Well, actually...

You know how they say you can't be a little bit pregnant...you either are or you aren't?

Well, that is not entirely accurate.

I thought the waiting would make me crazy, but it actually hasn't been too bad. I've had a lot to distract me; party planning, work, a quick weekend trip for a friend's retirement.

Today was the big day and as you might expect, I was very excited and very nervous.

TMI warning: On Saturday, I started bleeding. Just a little. A friend had told me how she had spotted after IVF and she was still pregnant, so while I was concerned, I wasn't devastated. (Thanks, B, for that info, it REALLY helped!)

Sunday I wasn't bleeding anymore but I had some of those moments that you have where you can just feel your period coming. But I wasn't spotting anymore. I was convinced I was not pregnant. That was until a few hours later when I stopped feeling any symptoms and started feeling much more optimistic.

This morning I started spotting again. I didn't know what to think. I went for my blood test first thing and then the anxiety set in. What a roller coaster!

Finally, around 2 pm, the nurse called with the results.

Positive!

Yippee!


But......

The blood test measures your hCG levels and that is how they determine if you are pregnant. Unfortunately, my level is very low. The Knight keeps nudging me to not be negative. I think I am generally a very optimistic and positive person, but I am also very realistic. I prefer to be prepared.

Without dwelling on the possibilities, I will just mention that there is a chance that the pregnancy will not last. There really isn't anything I can do at this point but wait and keeping taking my meds. I will be re-tested on Wednesday morning. The hope is that my level will double by then.

I kind of feel like it would be easier to have gotten a negative result than to be in this situation. Not that I'm hopeless, but I think I'd rather not be pregnant than have a miscarriage. I'm not giving up yet.

The Knight is being super fabulous, which reminds me of why I married him and why I am so incredibly lucky to have him as my husband and friend (and partner in this endeavor). So I'm doing okay. I'm a little emotional, but I believe 100%  that this will work out in the end.

Thanks for reading and supporting me. I felt like I should not leave you hanging... I'll update when I know more.